Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What's a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q. What's the definition of macho???
A. Jogging home from your vasectomy..

Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball???
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball..

Q. Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex?
A. They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick!!!!

Q. Why is divorce so expensive?
A. Because it's worth it!!!!

Q. What is a Yankee???
A. The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone..

Q. What do Tupperware and a walrus have in common???
A. They both like a tight seal..

Q. What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common???
A. Their balls are just for decoration..

Q. Why do Gay men wear ribbed condoms???
A. For traction in the mud.

Q. How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony???
A. It's not hard.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact???
A: Breasts don't have eyes..

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love???
A. The swallow..

Q: What is the difference between medium and rare???
A: Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare..

Q. Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning???
A. They don't have balls to scratch!!!!

christmas joke

Three men died on Christmas Eve
and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.
"In honor of this holy season,"
Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something
that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets
and pulled out a lighter.
He flicked it on.
It represents a candle, he said.
You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket
and pulled out a set of keys.
He shook them and said, "They're bells."
Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets
and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.
St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked,
"And just what do those symbolize?"
The man replied, "These are Carols."

came back from the macau trip with zann yesterday.

i would want to go back there again when i'm 18.

Did you know that those who appear to be very strong in heart, are real weak and most susceptible?

Did you know that those who spend their time protecting others are the ones that really need someone to protect them?

Did you know that the three most difficult things to say are: I love you, Sorry, and Help me.

Did you know that those who dress in red are more confident in themselves?

Did you know that those who dress in yellow are those that enjoy their beauty?

Did you know that those who dress in black, are those who want to be unnoticed and need your help and understanding?

Did you know that when you help someone, the help is returned in two-fold?

Did you know that it's easier to say what you feel in writing than saying it to someone in the face? But did you know that it has more value when you say it to their face?

Did you know that if you ask for something in faith, your wishes are granted?

Did you know that you can make your dreams come true, like falling in love, becoming rich, staying healthy, if you ask for it by faith, and if you really knew, you'd be surprised by what you could do.

But, don't believe everything I tell you, until you try it for yourself, if you know someone that is in need of something that I mentioned, and you know that you can help, you'll see that it will be returned in two-fold.

ripped this off lanis's blog.

laughing babies

LMAO

going deaf

okay, char & i will be gone on a holiday till the tenth. short trip, but i need a break, badly.

took neoprints today, & thank god, itchyhands didn't screw it up.

my best friend has itchy hands. she had to get the manicurist to redo her nails like three times (?)

& she kept on moving arnd when she went to get her make up done for porn prom.

i keep confusing those two words. frowns.

my eyelids are heavy & my eyes are really dry. i need to cry. i need to have a good cry.

but i'm in a such a good mood. i was on the phone with xxxxx.

anyways, i shall go off now. pack my luggage. yaaaawns. there's no time to sleep alrdy.

i've to leave the house at sex six.

ever since i got my braces, i can't pronounce my words properly. i keeping saying sex instead of six.

& i seriously think that there's smthng wrong with my hearing.

this was what manoj said: go pee la !
this was what i heard: grope me la !

& then manoj said: have fun in xxxxx.
& i heard: have fun with my cow.

i dig my ears everyday. or maybe jac's right. maybe i push in the dirt instead of cleaning my ears. sounds gross, but i think it's cute.

or maybe i really am going deaf.

impersonating my best friend

hello, my best friend & i got our hair cut today. but it pains me everytime i think about the amount of hair i cut off.

okay, that's it. i'm talking weird. i can't impersonate charlene for nuts. we're really different, personality & character wise. & umm, there's a huge difference in our heights too.

i feel so short whenever i stand next to char, & especially when she wears heels. & she never fails to whack me in the face whenever she swings her hair. sometimes i wish i were much taller.

it's okay. i'll grow. one day, i'll grow so tall, i won't be able to see you even if you wear stilts, char. i won't.

okay, buh bye. i love you, best friend.

funny shit

this is where i post embarrassing stuff about myself because i doubt many ppl will read it.

okay, so i was on the phone with phareez, & i was drinking from this milo packet. & i thought i'd finished the whole packet so i started squeezing the packet. cold air started coming out from the straw & i thought it was pretty fun. i love the smell of milo, so i held it closer & squeezed harder. & umm, milo splashed out from the straw & i got it on my face & all over my keyboard. i started laughing like mad.

sometimes i do the stupidest things. hehh.

xoxo

my best friend & i are total opposites but i love her anyways.

i hate rubber

my best friend likes korn. well, i like corn too :D

it's three thirty am & i'm eating chocolate coated ice cream with almonds. i know i really shouldn't be eating ice cream at such an unearthly hour, but i really can't help it.

firstly, i'm too lazy to take off my rubber band, so it hurts like mad whenver it try to bite the chocolate.

secondly, i'm fat enough alrdy because my best friend says we'll exercise tmr. & apparently, tmr never comes. she refuses to let me run on her (threadme).

i only exercise at the gym, but i'm too lazy to hit the gym. it's so far away. everything's so far away. i'm hungry, & i'm craving for macdonald's. if only there was still a macdonald's near the mrt.

yes, i stay in kallang. it's really quite a nice place to stay in, except for the fact that the mrt station is a little too far away.

okay, i'm lying. the mrt station's two minutes away. kick me.

& i love the view from the bedroom. the kallang river's really pretty when the sun shines on it. but on rainy days, it gets really umm... brown & the colour's smthng like that of shit when you're having a diarrhoea. lol.

oh yea, i was feeling hungry & i really wanted to get some food but i hesitated before stepping into the kitchen. then i realised that this was MY house & that was MY kitchen i was stepping into, so i went in anyways. it feels good to be able to find food from MY fridge. i'm so proud of my kitchen.

i know. i'm not making any sense.

mmm, the ice cream's really good. but the pain's starting to get on my nerves. damn it. damn the braces. damn the rubber band. that's it, i'm off. to get that piece of rubber out of my mouth.

ughh. i just finished my ice cream.

KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!
KORN!

the korn fever is back(for me)
heeheehee.

jonathan davis.
dreadlocks.
kilt.
and he plays the bagpipes.
O M G.

Freak On A Leash - Korn

KORN
Freak On A Leash

Something takes a part of me.
Something lost and never seen.
Everytime I start to believe,
Something's raped and taken from me... from me.
Life's got to always be messing with me. (You wanna see the light)
Can't they chill and let me be free? (So do I)
Can't I take away all this pain. (You wanna see the light)
I try to every night, all in vain... in vain.
Sometimes I cannot take this place.
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.
You'll never see me fall from grace
Something takes a part of me.
You and I were meant to be.
A cheap fuck for me to lay
Something takes a part of me.
Feeling like a freak on a leash. (You wanna see the light)
Feeling like I have no release. (So do I)
How many times have I felt diseased? (You wanna see the light)
Nothing in my life is free... is free
Chorus

Boom na da mmm dum na ema
Da boom na da mmm dum na ema

GO!
So...fight! something on the... dum na ema
Fight...some things they fight
So...something on the... dum na ema
Fight...some things they fight
Fight...something of the... dum na ema
No...some things they fight
Fight...something of the... dum na ema
Fight...some things they fight

[Chorus]

Part of me...
Oh...

Thoughtless - Korn

KORN
Thoughtless

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
Pushing all the mercy down, down, down
I wanna see you try to take a swing at me
Come on, gonna put you on the ground, ground, ground

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

Thumbing through the pages of my fantasies
I'm above you, smiling at you, drown, drown, drown
I wanna kill and rape you the way you raped me
And I'll pull the trigger
And you're down, down, down

Why are you trying to make fun of me?
You think it's funny?
What the fuck you think it's doing to me?
You take your turn lashing out at me
I want you crying with your dirty ass in front of me

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

All my friends are gone, they died (gonna take you down)
They all screamed, and cried (gonna take you down)

I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
Gonna take you down

[repeat 2x]

I've got my body, got my body back against the wall
I've got my body, got my body back against the...

All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming
All of my hate cannot be found
I will not be drowned by your thoughtless scheming
So you can try to tear me down
Beat me to the ground
I will see you screaming

korn jaming live

Open Up - Korn

KORN
Open Up

What were you thinking
I guess I'll never know
See your eyes blinking
Pupils begin to grow

Drilling you softly
Pulling you in
Making your mind up
What's sick or a sin

[Chorus]
Open up now
Let it all go
I'm quite certain
Say it aint so
You're corrupted by
Some sick fuck
Oh no
Open up now
Head in the sky
Pierce the tongue that
Keeps telling lies
Feelings in my mouth
You breathe in but can't breathe out

What you've been taking
It makes you talk
Real slow
How come I'm thinking
You'd be the last
To know

(You'd be the last to know)

Choking you gently
Gaining control
Hand you the shovel
To dig your own hole

[Chorus]

Choking you gently
Gaining control
Hand you the shovel
To dig your own hole

Open up now
Let it all go
Open up now
Let it all go

Open up now
Head in the sky
Pierce the tongue that
Keeps telling lies
Feelings in my mouth
You breathe in but can't breathe out

You breathe in but can't breathe out

Coming Undone(acoustic) - Korn

KORN
Coming Undone

Keep holding on
When my brain's tickin' like a bomb
Guess the black thoughts have come Again to get me
Sweet bitter words
Unlike nothing I have heard
Sing along mocking bird
You don't affect me

That's right
Deliverance of my heart
Please strike
Be deliberate

[Chorus]
Wait
I'm coming undone
Irate
I'm coming undone
Too late
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate
Wait
I'm starting to suffocate
And soon I anticipate
I'm coming undone
One looks so strong
So delicate

Choke choke again
I thought my demons were my friends
Getting me in the end
They're out to get me
Since I was young
I've tasted sorrow on my tongue
And this sweet sugar gun
Does not protect me

That's right
Trigger between my eyes
Please strike
Make it quick now

[Chorus]

I'm trying to hold it together
Head is lighter than a feather
Looks like i'm not getting better
Not getting better

[Chorus]