i'm not in a very good mood now.
i've been doing alot of thinking.
as usual, i've forgotten most of the things that i've thought about.
damned memory of mine.

oh.
i'm sipping Q. vodka raspberry while cursing at the damned computer's speed.
know what? vodka raspberry tastes like cough syrup. *cough cough* it even smells exactly like the cough syrup. the pink one. *shudders* lets see whats inside...
ingredients: carbonated water, vodka, sugar, food acid(330), flavours, colour(123)
-_-! so much for information. like i know what 330 and 123 is...
i can either stick out my tongue and say i'm never drinking this ever again(cause it tastes like cough syrup) or, i can continue drinking and say. hey. i like the taste(cause it tastes like cough syrup). the half ampty or half full glass concept thingy.
come to think of it, the more i drink, the more i'm starting to think its nice. okay. its nice. but bacardi and the aple flavour is way better than this. i'm never buying this flavour again.

speaking of different perspectives.
the O level results were released today.
i'm not going to say much. but. if you do get enough grades to go to a jc and/or stay where you currently are in your first three months of orientation, its sufficient.
and there's no point crying. because you cant go back and retake the very same paper you took. and you'd be a fool to resit your O levels when you can move on to a jc.
with the grades you got, i'd say celebrate. go. celebrate. you scored better than you did in your prelims. so why are you crying?
have the little notes of encouragement gone to waste? i want you to re-read every single one of them. i did not waste my time for nothing. fyi i stayed up late to write them even though i was tired and had to go to sleep. i called up jonathan even though i didn't want to speak to him to ask him for a verse. he gave me the jeremiah verse. i searched my bible for the matthew verse.
God has plans for you. God gave you your results for a reason. i may not know it, you may not know it, but he knows it. and thats all that really matters. He has a purpose in you.

i'm not good at consolation.
neither am i a very good friend.
i tend to stand by the sidelines and watch when i see other people around because i know not what to do. i feel extra. i always do.
all i can give to you is the knowledge that i'll always be there on the sidelines, supporting you, cheering you on.

miracles is believing in what you do not see which results in seeing what you believe. faith is believing in what you do not see regardless of what you see.
often, miracles are the result of faith.

have you seen miracles?
i have.

look around.
this is a miracle in itself.

look closely. there is two black cats there. the mama is keeping the baby warm. both black cats are sleeping i think. what the ginger cat is doing there i dont know.
it was days ago when i was on my way back home from the bus stop when i saw a little boy staring. being kaypoh like all singaporeans, i went over to peek.
there was this black cat in the drain with a couple of kittens. the kittens were trying to crawl out of the drain. she was just lying there, waiting for her kittens to tire themselves out. the next day, she was still there with only two kittens. the day after, she was under the tree by the drain. the day after, only one kitten remained. her kitten was sleeping. she, lay there like a majestic queen, looking over her terrority. i didn't recall seeing them for the next few days. but yesterday, it was raining. so i didn't walk by the tree. i took the shelter. they moved there by the bicycle. the kitten seemed to be nursing. when i approached to take a picture, the mama cat propped itself up on its front paws and snarled at me. they were there again today. but only, both mama and baby were sleeping and this ginger cat was beside them staring at me.

in case you didn't know. the area behind my house is populated by stray cats. ask anyone who have been to my house. they'll tell you the same thing.

the mother-kitten love made me think about love. actually, i was already pondering about it in the bus today. this girl and guy were behaving affectionately. like. it made my hair stand.
then i thought to myself. i dont want that. i used to think it was ok. now, i think those people are sexually deprived. like. get a room! in public, holding hands is ok. anything beyond that is a big nono.
it was then i realised that that was what will inevitably come when you're in a relationship at this age. and when the honeymoon period wears off, the break-up will come next. so whats the point of relationships when your hormones are still raging?

and now i'm asking myself what did i see in susan.

i think too much. everyone does.

i've been thinking about the friends i have.
those whom i can call trustworthy are few.
zann, xiaoting.
sonya and i used to be very close. now, i dont know. its like it doesn't make a difference whether i'm there or not. we drifted apart.
and then i tell myself to go find my own clique of friends. but where? definately not church. and my class? i've gotta be kidding me.
i asked myself.
who do i trust with my life?
i answered.
nobody but God.

friends drift apart.
friendships die.
i'll die earlier than all my friends.
cancer runs in my blood.
i dont know till how old will i live.
but i want to treasure all the friends i have.
present and future.

if we're drifting apart, let me know. cause i wanna pull us back. i dont want us to reach the stage where i feel that it becomes akward and i'll just withdraw and butt out of your life.