my dad has no idea that his wistling (my english is failing me. i donbt even know how to spell wistle. the tingy you do with your mouth to produce a sound. grrr) is irritating me. maybe he does. but he does it all the same.

grrr.

he nagged alot today.
sometimes, i really wish he was back in india. but. thinking about my mum, i'll just have to put up with him.

he kept repeating make sure you do your homework finish then do your internet
see. he's nagging again. thats the reason why i dont like to stay at home. and when i do, i'll lock myself up in my room.

was super pissed with jonathan lim(bowen) today. yesterday at CLB he kept bothering me. like "charlene why this, why that" "this class is so boring." "next week i dont want to come" "what time the class finish" "(he threw his workbook at me and said)eh. do my work for me" like. urggh! i was talking to jamie lah. he was like "if after one month the class still as boring i go back to normal chinese already" and i was like "go lah. this class too many people already. it would be better if you leave" urggh. then today, while i was on my way down to my mum's car after recess, he punched me on my arm. and when i glared at him, he punched me another time, on the same arm, same spot. its pain lah. it wasn't the playful-light-no-pain punch. it was the playful-i-dont-know-my-limits-break-your-arm-punch. i told him to "go screw yourself lah you motherfucking sexually deprived asshole". then i walked off.

kay. maybe that wasn't very nice. but. i was in another one of my mood swings today. like. what can you do when your nose has been running all morning and sneezing fits occurs almost like once every hour? it was horrible. like ahcheew, ahcheew, ahcheew, ahcheew, ahcheew, ahcheew, and just when i thought it was over, ahhcheew. and i got false alarm all the time. like during pe, when we were playing basketball, and meiling was like. "okay. jump ball." and i was like. "wait. i gotta sneeze first." and the sneeze took forever to come.

so i went home after recess and slept the day away. yes. i went home halfway after recess. my nose was so red that even rudolph was jealous. that bad.

i didn't miss much lessons. two periods of a math, one period of e math and one period of chinese was considered free because mr tan didn't come to school today and chinese-i dont take chinese in school. so that left one eriod of english and a whole one hour of english remedial afer school by theseira.
i'm fine with that. at times like this that even teachers makes me moody.
in the morning i was like so freaking tired. i even dozed off, much to the displeasure of mrs loh-the-best-teacher-besides-mr-tan-in-gmss, during chemistry.

side tracking a little, mrs loh rocks lah. she thinks i'm smart =P and she never fails to mention that to the class and to me. =P hee. *grins* and i can complain about other teachers to her and she'll just laugh. like. she's the only teacher i can be direct to. yup.
may god bless her with an amazing sex life till whatever ripe old age she lives to.

getting back, maybe its because six hours of sleep wasn't enough for yesterday. i usually sleep(at night) for four hours plus minus. but yesterday was a hectic day. after school, i had CLB lessons at st pats. then i had dance class. its like no time to rest. was so damn tired. but dance class was good. totally enjoyed it. i think i'm sticking to the tuesday hiphop class. belinda teaches better than patrick. i observed one thing. after dance, i felt really invigorated. i was so awake and i didn't feel tired until after i hit the sacks. so my new plan for tuesday is that i'll go home before CLB to pick up whatever stuff i need, and i'll linger at burger king after dance for an hour and a half to mug. then when i reach home at eleven, i'll be totally beat and i'll be able to sleep before twelve =) *claps* i'm so clever. =P

right.

i was blog surfing just now. so you may see many new links on my links page. let me just get this straight. i dont link every page i go to. i only link the blogs that i think i might want to revisit in future and/or those that belongs to my friends. right.
so. one observation i made. i wont mention who are the people, but its like ninety nine percent of the blogs i went to were like oh how i am sick of this life. why is everything like that. love hurts. why is he/she like that. my life is in a mess. aiyah. you get what i mean. like. everyone's life is sad. so is mine. but mine isn't that extreme. like. i dont cry in bed everynight. havn't been doing that since sec two. its been two years already. =P come to think of it, i cant even remember the last time i cried. seems like ages ago. i'm not heavily crushing on anyone right now. crushing a little, maybe. but just a little. and its not aaron. i'm so over him. its susan. and i'm not lesbian even though i sometimes joke that i am. susan's a nickname. and only two people know i like him. and that two people better not tell anyone. i trust you both to keep a secret and you better keep it.

the only sad part that i can think of is that i'm not really close to God right now. like. i know God is there for me and that if i wanna talk to him, he's right beside me. i just turn and he's there. but. right now, i'm still taking a spiritual break. a long one which might last till after my o levels. i still talk to God. but i'm not on fire for him. not like i used to be.

i'm not what i used to be. not what i used to be.

maybe i'll turn that into a song. =)

oh. i think i hurt my dad's feelings.
he invaded my privacy by reading what i was typing just now. he stuck his head infront of the screen and saw the part where i was talking about him. and he was like. "papa say you because he has your best interest at heart."
everybody in my family knows that my dad favours me the most.
even my grandpa(paternal) said that to my mum when he came to visit her when her right leg hurt like hell till the point that she couldn't walk. my mum told me he said (translated) "everyone knows that ah leong(my dad) favours cai ling(me)..."
even i know that too.

sorry.
i didn't mean for you to read that. i was ranting. thats why i password protect my blog. so that none of my family members can read it. i dont want history to repeat itself. as much as i dont want to admit it, i really wish my relationship with my brother was better. but it can never be. at least not for now. all because he read my blog. i'm still holding a grudge.

sigh.

my dad's old fashioned, conservative, thinks the music i listen to is noise, always thinks he knows everything and wants me(and my brothers) to become the 'perfect' dauchter. note. his idea of perfect isn't my idea of perfect. and he doesn't know what i want. but more of rather what i need. as it's always the case.

now you see why i dont really like him?

sigh.

i still love him. he's my dad.

sigh

i'm hitting the sacks.

sweet dreams.