i'm getting so sick of this copying game.
imagine playing table tennis with a wall.
i cant.
or at least i cant imagine doing it for a lifetime without having fun.
i really must hand it to him.

my brother is reading my blog. i dont know how. but i know he's reading it. reading every single word i blog, every single vulgarity that i blog, every single thing i do. and i do know why. i bet he just cant wait to use the information he gets here to blackmail me when he has the chance.

he's blackmailed me before.
i unknowingly scolded him fuck once. i was pissed and didn't know it was him.
and one year down the road, he says. if you dont let me, i'll tell mummy you used the f word.
how childish could he get?
oh. just in case anyone wants to know, i didn't give in to him, and yes. he complained to my mum.

and that's just one of the many times he did that.

so i went to his blog. like. if he reads my blog, why cant i read his?? and no. i'm not interested in the content. just reading the first line makes me nauseous. i noticed that he changed his beng/gay template, to a full fledged gay template. no offence to my homosexual friends out there. my brother's not gay, but he's acting gay. what a fake. wait. maybe he is gay. maybe he's wearing a bright purple thong right now. maybe.... oops. i'm sidetracking. so his template. the layout is like andrea's. the whiteness, and the 'i will lift my hands' navigation buttons. and his blog header, child of god, is so like benjamin lee. and he still hasn't changed his tagboard heading. no comments about the baby's feet. wait. maybe i shall comment. they look nice..... on a wall. on a female's blog maybe, but on a male's blog?? oh. i forgot. he's GAY.


the happiest thing since two weeks ago happened.
my period came yesterday. it finally came.
like. its two weeks late. hell. whatever happened to my cycle? it used to be regular. then suddenly, WHAM! it didn't come for two weeks. and i was really worried. but what could i do? cut open my utherus and scrape out the blood?

my mum said stress causes mens to be irregular.
then she asked me. are you stressed?
like.
if i say i'm stressed, would she believe me?
if i say i'm not, would she believe me?
in the end, i ended up asking her."how do you define stress?" to that she didn't reply.
and i thought. so what if they know i'm stressed? would they allow me not to go for lessons? would they try to make life less stressful for me? would they nag less? they wouldn't.

my relationship with my mother is such as no matter how much she hurts me and makes me feel like dirt, i'll still love her with all my heart.
my relationship with my dad is such as no matter how much i hurt him and make him feel like dirt, he'll still love me with all my heart.
strange isn't it?

my memory is failing me. the other day, i was walking up the stairs and thinking about something that needed my thinking. but within a few steps, i instantly forgot what i was thinking about. and no matter how much i tried to recall, i couldn't.

i'm feeling so dead. so tired. i'm having my period. so my mood swings might be much more worse than it normally is. to all those that i'm going to offend, two words. raging hormones.

i really wanna blog much. but. its not safe now.
i will blog again when some kind soul who knows html and javascript helps me with my password thingy. (*hint hint* zann)


may tomorrow's geog test be cancelled and may i need not take a make up word power test as i didn't go to school today.
may i dream about something pleasant tonight.
dreamcatcher. someone please remind me to blog about that the next time i'm online.
may i stop having dreams about unpleasant things. especially gilbert. and maybe a lill fusion of gametes would help. sigh.

now i lay me down to rest,
i pray the lord my soul to keep.
shall i die before i wake,
i pray the lord my soul to take.

goodnight everybody.