i'm getting so sick of this copying game.
imagine playing table tennis with a wall.
i cant.
or at least i cant imagine doing it for a lifetime without having fun.
i really must hand it to him.

my brother is reading my blog. i dont know how. but i know he's reading it. reading every single word i blog, every single vulgarity that i blog, every single thing i do. and i do know why. i bet he just cant wait to use the information he gets here to blackmail me when he has the chance.

he's blackmailed me before.
i unknowingly scolded him fuck once. i was pissed and didn't know it was him.
and one year down the road, he says. if you dont let me, i'll tell mummy you used the f word.
how childish could he get?
oh. just in case anyone wants to know, i didn't give in to him, and yes. he complained to my mum.

and that's just one of the many times he did that.

so i went to his blog. like. if he reads my blog, why cant i read his?? and no. i'm not interested in the content. just reading the first line makes me nauseous. i noticed that he changed his beng/gay template, to a full fledged gay template. no offence to my homosexual friends out there. my brother's not gay, but he's acting gay. what a fake. wait. maybe he is gay. maybe he's wearing a bright purple thong right now. maybe.... oops. i'm sidetracking. so his template. the layout is like andrea's. the whiteness, and the 'i will lift my hands' navigation buttons. and his blog header, child of god, is so like benjamin lee. and he still hasn't changed his tagboard heading. no comments about the baby's feet. wait. maybe i shall comment. they look nice..... on a wall. on a female's blog maybe, but on a male's blog?? oh. i forgot. he's GAY.


the happiest thing since two weeks ago happened.
my period came yesterday. it finally came.
like. its two weeks late. hell. whatever happened to my cycle? it used to be regular. then suddenly, WHAM! it didn't come for two weeks. and i was really worried. but what could i do? cut open my utherus and scrape out the blood?

my mum said stress causes mens to be irregular.
then she asked me. are you stressed?
like.
if i say i'm stressed, would she believe me?
if i say i'm not, would she believe me?
in the end, i ended up asking her."how do you define stress?" to that she didn't reply.
and i thought. so what if they know i'm stressed? would they allow me not to go for lessons? would they try to make life less stressful for me? would they nag less? they wouldn't.

my relationship with my mother is such as no matter how much she hurts me and makes me feel like dirt, i'll still love her with all my heart.
my relationship with my dad is such as no matter how much i hurt him and make him feel like dirt, he'll still love me with all my heart.
strange isn't it?

my memory is failing me. the other day, i was walking up the stairs and thinking about something that needed my thinking. but within a few steps, i instantly forgot what i was thinking about. and no matter how much i tried to recall, i couldn't.

i'm feeling so dead. so tired. i'm having my period. so my mood swings might be much more worse than it normally is. to all those that i'm going to offend, two words. raging hormones.

i really wanna blog much. but. its not safe now.
i will blog again when some kind soul who knows html and javascript helps me with my password thingy. (*hint hint* zann)


may tomorrow's geog test be cancelled and may i need not take a make up word power test as i didn't go to school today.
may i dream about something pleasant tonight.
dreamcatcher. someone please remind me to blog about that the next time i'm online.
may i stop having dreams about unpleasant things. especially gilbert. and maybe a lill fusion of gametes would help. sigh.

now i lay me down to rest,
i pray the lord my soul to keep.
shall i die before i wake,
i pray the lord my soul to take.

goodnight everybody.

i'm really pissed.
grrrrrr.
my brother's a fake!
a big fat fake!!!
simply no orginality.
stupid copycat.
who acts stupid.
and thinks he's clever.
so what if you topped your class in your three sciences?
no girl will ever like you.
wait.
except maybe those girls that you buy for ten dollars in thailand.

and i just realised something. he copied my tagboard heading!!!!
mine's tag! you're it. and its been there for a super long time.
and he steals my originalty!!!
he put
tag! you're it xd
like.
WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!

omg!!! he really copied me. like. wtf!!!
go see for yourself.

http://imlivingforyou.blogspot.com/

damn disgusting can? especially the colour. is he guy or gay? and. whats up with the japanese anime?? the guy isn't hot at all la. and the girl. japanese girls dont have blue eyes. what a fake. i think all he likes is her boobs.

and his previous blog. is so like my previous blog. he copied me in adding the marquee. like. wtf!!!

go see.
http://winston13579.multiply.com/

so fake! tsk.

the remainding pictures =)



thats jonathan lim bowen. melvin did that



to have a closer look....





this is meow =)



zann did that thats zann's hand




i love taugay =P


thats all for now. lazy to upload those from my phone for an even more current update.

yea.

zann.
we should go out more often.
and.
grrrrr.
you know i hate it when people take a long time to reply smses. and take a long time to answer my call.
bark bark.

and xiao ting. i cant wait for monday.
big momma's house.
4.15 outside school bus stop yea =)

sleep tight everyone =)

thank god for xiao ting =)
i love you =)
she just asked me to go ahead with option 3. which is mum and zann. and that means i would have to pospone our appointment.

i just realised. xiao ting, mum and zann are like the top three women in my life. lol. followed by my maternal grandma, aunty, other aunty, lya, the domestic helper and my other aunty. well, basically because i'm related to them by blood. except the domestic helper. but she's been with me for sooooo long. its like she's family.

yea.

oh. my brother's a copycat.
sometime back, i ranted about how he was a copycat.
he copied me by consuming whatever type of alcohol i consume. i said something about drinking beer. hey. guess what? he got my mother to buy a six-pack and drank one can at the dinner table. tsk. do i hear a meow???
here's another.
i previously used multiply to blog. then needless to say, he copied. he blogged there, copied the exact same way on how i uploaded my tagboard because multiply doesn't accept html and the tagboard colout. obviously i changed my tagboard colour. then i switched to blogspot after the whole 3 months worth of missing entries fiasco. just now, when i came into the room, i saw him on blogger edit template page. and now, he keeps switching between some site(i think its blogger preview) thats bright yellow/orange and has like a huge picture of some form of japanese anime and blogger edit template.
see. i told you that my brother was a ah beng wannabe. the way he types. u noe. like tat.
tsk.
but he sometimes can be really nice.
ok. he's nice only when he wants to be.
which is really seldom.
but, he helped me scan the neoprints i took with xiaoting and zann. plus print extra copies of it. so nice right. the only thing i know about computer is how to surf the net, blog, type and print on microsoft word. but ask me to print pictures?? plus print it with photo paper?? i'm like. huh?

oh. i dont like divinia. like now, i like my brother more than i like divinia. and i dont like theseira. but today and yesterday, i dislike her a little less. know why? theseira took leave/mc yesterday and today. a total of five periods. plus chinese, yesterday, i had four free periods(three theseira and one chinese) and today i had another four(two theseira and two chinese).

indeed,
god is good =)

i hope she got involved in a accident and becomes a vegetable. then she cant teach and richard chia would be my english teacher =)

ok. pictures =)



this guy, is a major nerd. either that or he is a soccer player and is addicted to soccer socks. but whats up with the super high bag? i always see him at the bus stop outside seven eleven before school.



i took this after church at the 354 bus stop while waiting for the bus.
its like damn nice la.



i went to some cheena seafood restaurant near kallang theater. this is how they spell ice cube. maybe they're trying to show that their ice would grow hands and do the peace/two fingers sign and go "kawaii! i m cute!"




this is what we do in CLB class =P



during chemistry practical, the boys were roasting grasshoppers.



that van was blasting techno music outside chool. we could hear it all the way in class.




i injured my leg. but i dont know where, or when.


quote from kenny's blog.
"it's almost as if the teachers get an orgasm each time they hand out a piece of work or smth"

ok. first, i'm in a real dilema. like. tomorrow, i've got three things going on, that clashes altogether.

1. i've arranged with xiao ting to watch big momma's house before service. if i cancel this, it'll be like the 98597592149256-th time i've stood her up cancelled an appointment with her

2. my mum wants to take me to ikea. i've been bugging her to bring me there ever since the sale started and now, when she's finally free to take me to ikea, i'm stuck in this.

3. zann asked me to accompany her to some sec one's birthday party from 10am-3pm. i dont know that sec one at all but zann said he's in drama. o.O?? how come i've never seen him before? and i know assume nobdy else would even bother to accompany zann there.

and i've evaluated my options.

1 & 2. if i go with my mum in the morning and rush over after lunch for the movie with xiao ting, i'd be leaving zann to go to the party alone. plus she told me i rocked and promised not to bite me anymore when i told her i'd go with her. so this option is invalid.

1 & 3. if i go with zann in the morning and catch the one something show, i would not get to go to ikea. and the sale ends on sunday. and i'm not free on sunday. and i really really really want to go to ikea. plus, i want to cherish and spend whatever time i have left with my mum. i dont know when either of us would be called to meet our maker.

2 & 3. if i go with my mum in the morning and meet zann after lunch, i'll be postponing our appointment for the 98343824676-th time. and i really cherish xiao ting because she's always there for me. like. whenever i ask her out, she's free. and sometimes even though i'm the one to ask her out, i'll be really late or not show up at all(obviously i'd let her know i wont be going. but on really really really short notice). but sad to say, whenever she asks me out, most of the time, i'm not free.


and there. i told zann i'll go with the third option. but. i really dont want to postpone our movie date with xiao ting.

but if i do, we'll save money. like i'll postpone it to a weekday. and i'll promise i'll pay for her nachos/hotdog/cookie and drink.

sigh.

I’ll do a short update as its already 12.49am.

Just finished theseira’s word power assignment.

Thank god for Audrey. She sent me words 208-513. I only had to type out no. 88- 207. and its not just words. Its in this format.

175. repress: to put down, to try not to show any emotion

I had to repress my desire to voice my opinion during the argument.

Theseira is a bitch. She obviously hates me. Like. She’s somewhat like a second wong cc. bastards. All motherfucking bastards.

On Tuesday, it was her period after chapel. And I badly needed to go to the toilet. So I took the pass and waited for her at the door. When I saw her approaching, I approached her and said “mrs theseira, can I go to the toilet? I need to pee badly.” And she went “I don’t have to know what you’re going to do in the toilet.” Then she suddenly lifted up my shirt at the front to make sure that it was tucked in(and it was) and went “your skirt is so low. My goodness. Only pregnant woman wear their skirts like that.” Like. What the fuck la. I always wear my skirts and pants low. And. Pregnant? Excuse me. Its like the dirty pot calling the shiny kettle black. Like. She is a thousand times FATTER than me. Bitch.

Then today, in class, she was like. “take out your word power notes.” Like. She didn’t tell us to bring the word power notes. Plus, we only found out that there was a mock word power test tomorrow. Obviously I didn’t bring it. She went to my table and went “Charlene where’s your word power notes?” I replied “I didn’t bring them” and she went “expected one. You ah always not bringing my things. I really cant wait to meet your parents.” Again, what the fuck. Like. More than half the class didn’t have their word power notes on their table and she had to pick me. Its like. If she scolded the other people, I wouldn’t mind. But she only picked one me. I’m sorry Sonya. But I have to disagree with you. Theseira’s NOT nice. SHE IS A BITCH.

She put me in a foul mood for the rest of the day. And I almost cried in class. Actually I did. But it was more of the a few drops, rub my eyes like mad pretending I’m tired and controlling myself, repeating “Charlene, don’t cry. This is not the place to cry. She is not worth it” in my mind.

May she lose her balance and fall forward and die because her stomach’s too heavy.
burn in hell. you bitch.

I’ll do a short update as its already 12.49am.

Just finished theseira’s word power assignment.

Thank god for Audrey. She sent me words 208-513. I only had to type out no. 88- 207. and its not just words. Its in this format.

175. repress: to put down, to try not to show any emotion

I had to repress my desire to voice my opinion during the argument.

Theseira is a bitch. She obviously hates me. Like. She’s somewhat like a second wong cc. bastards. All motherfucking bastards.

On Tuesday, it was her period after chapel. And I badly needed to go to the toilet. So I took the pass and waited for her at the door. When I saw her approaching, I approached her and said “mrs theseira, can I go to the toilet? I need to pee badly.” And she went “I don’t have to know what you’re going to do in the toilet.” Then she suddenly lifted up my shirt at the front to make sure that it was tucked in(and it was) and went “your skirt is so low. My goodness. Only pregnant woman wear their skirts like that.” Like. What the fuck la. I always wear my skirts and pants low. And. Pregnant? Excuse me. Its like the dirty pot calling the shiny kettle black. Like. She is a thousand times FATTER than me. Bitch.

Then today, in class, she was like. “take out your word power notes.” Like. She didn’t tell us to bring the word power notes. Plus, we only found out that there was a mock word power test tomorrow. Obviously I didn’t bring it. She went to my table and went “Charlene where’s your word power notes?” I replied “I didn’t bring them” and she went “expected one. You ah always not bringing my things. I really cant wait to meet your parents.” Again, what the fuck. Like. More than half the class didn’t have their word power notes on their table and she had to pick me. Its like. If she scolded the other people, I wouldn’t mind. But she only picked one me. I’m sorry Sonya. But I have to disagree with you. Theseira’s NOT nice. SHE IS A BITCH.

She put me in a foul mood for the rest of the day. And I almost cried in class. Actually I did. But it was more of the a few drops, rub my eyes like mad pretending I’m tired and controlling myself, repeating “Charlene, don’t cry. This is not the place to cry. She is not worth it” in my mind.

May she lose her balance and fall forward and die because her stomach’s too heavy.
burn in hell. you bitch.

phew. i can finally update =)
there's loads of pictures that i want to up load but sadly, this isn't the computer that has the thingy that allows me to slot in my phone's memory card. so just make do with words. the pictures are comming [soon].

hmm.

oh. my mum gave me an ipod shuffle the other day.
in case you were thinking 'waaaa. your mum so rich', no. thats not the case. she bought insurance for my youngest brother. it came along with a free ipod shuffle. and since my brother already has a creative zen photo 20 gb(and she knew i wasn't happy about it), the ipod came to me.

i looked through my dad's resume the other day. i noticed thet he was changing jobs every one two max three years since he left his job with HDB. and that was before i was born.

just came out of my parent's room. my dad requested my progress report. thanks to my brother, they remembered that the school did give out a slip of paper every first and third term called the progress report.
he did really well. above eighty percent for all seven subjects he was taking. showed my mum his progress report the minute she got home. me? i waited till sunday to show them. and only when my dad asked for it.

yea.
he's better than me. so?
gloat.
GLOAT.
he can gloat all he wants.
i dont give a fuck.
i never asked to be the eldest in the first place.

i didn't do very well. failed four out of the six subjects i was taking. the two i passed weren't very good either.
suprisingly, my dad only lectured me for about three minutes?
very suprising.
i expected more like. an hour?
and so, for that, i shall not comment about my dad's constant job changing.


my brother was a bastard yesterday.
his behavior was totally childish. seriously. what did jonathan see in him? why did they make him a potential cell leader?
that motherfucking faggot splashed alot of water on my phone. like. hell. losing his phone isn't enough. now, he has to spoil my phone? the worst part was that he did not intend to splash water on me, or my phone, but rather, at xiao ting. in case you didn't know, she is two years his senior, was wearing a white shirt and light blue denim skirt, and did not initiate the water fight in any other way. oh. and did i mention that i was standing right beside her?


speaking of jonathan. he injured his leg, and is walking on clutches right now. HA HA HA. and sherron gladly demonstrated to the whole area(kc cell, temasek cell and east bedok cell) how he sprained/broke/whatever his leg. while he was playing badminton with randall, he climbed up the stage to pick his shuttlecork. and instead of using the steps, he jumped down the stage and broke his leg. lol. jon cho. the jonathan cho. the freaking ego guy who claims to be a badminton pro. injured his leg not while playing badminton, but just by picking up a shuttlecork. wonderful. can i do that too? imagine the amount of time i would have with my bed.

teehee =P

i went to watch shaggy dog with xiao ting.
the show's great. i really enjoyed it.
i love comedies. the funniest part was the start where both my and xiao ting went into the wrong theater.
lol.
there was two shows starting at the same time. and they were side by side.
we were already halfway into our hotdogs and chocolate chip cookie and talking about how both of us cant stand horror movies when suddenly, the screen showed '[some production company's name] presents..... cry wolf.'
our immediate reaction was 'omg! we're in the wrong theater!'
oh well.
its the first time this happened to me.
yea.
haha.
go watch shaggy dog. its really funny. =P


i had i dream again. two dreams to be exact. one on thursday, one yesterday.
on thursday, i dreamt that i was being hunted by some secret undercover organisation. it started when i found my aunt murdered in her house. she was lying in a pool of blood on the floor. i reported it to the police. then they got me to investigate alongside with their 'agents' but halfway, they turned on me.
yesterday's dream was sort of like a continuation to that dream. i was escaping. on the run. running from some guys/assassins/undercover agents/whatever. it was real scary. i ran up the open aired stairs of some real old building. those kinda stairs made of metal. ran all the way to the top. and it was snowing. only when i reached the top did i realise how high i was. like. when i looked down, all i could see was a blur(thanks to the snow). i have a fear of heights. and then i spotted this door which led to a really small compartment that was like a home to a family. at first they were reluctant to let me hide there. then i somehow offered them something. money i think, and they agreed. only after those guys raided the place(the family hid me somewhere) did they force me to leave. and after that i cant remember anything.
and i still dont know the reason why those guys were after me/my life.


its the end of the holidays already. the one week seemed long. but its actually really fast. cos its sunday already. like. tomorrow's monday. there's school. and i havn't done a single homework the teachers gave. especially physics. oh boy. am i so dead.

i was thinking again.
like. christians believe in judgement day. somewhere in the bible i think it says something about if you sinned with your hands, you'd rather have it chopped off than live with it [in heaven].
so. i was thinking.
everyone has sinned with their hands. stealing, killing some living thing, hit someone etc.
everyone has sinned with their tongue. lies, verbal abuse gossiping etc.
everyone has sinned with their legs. kicking someone, hid something with their foot etc.
everyone has sinned with their ears and eyes. listening to gossip, looking at stuff they shouldn't have ect.
if thats the case, then wouldn't heaven be filled with people that have missing body parts? imagine someone talking to you without a mouth. imagine headless people walking along the streets. imagine headless people walking down the streets without legs! imaging people claping without hands.
imagine yourself mouthless, eyeless, earless, armless, legless, boobless, hairless, vaginaless/dickless, anusless.

*shivers*

wouldn't that make heaven be a scary place to be in?
oh well. it beats hell, where you're burning alive in one whole piece but not being able to die. and its a place without God. and i can only choose heaven or hell. of cause i'd pick heaven. tsk.

i realised that blocks of concrete are everywhere. now bring me the guts to bang my head real hard on it. tsk.

thinking is bad.

i'm going jb tomorrow for grocery shopping.
hmm. guess that crosses tomorrow out for anything.
i need a studying khaki. or study group.
hmm. and. i have to watch a movie.
rahh.

Which Deadly Sin Are You? Created by lucky7 and taken 29404 times
Name
Birthdate
Your Sin	Sloth
Quizlet brought to you by Tercata

lol. i am a sloth =P

i couldn't resist two videos =P
lol.
as in.
i really like both of them.

scroll down and pause one of them to prevent chaos on your speaker =P

right now, move along's really like a song that i listen to for meaning, and beep is a song that i listen to for the tune. and the girls are hot!
beep's really addictive.
like. 'ha ha-ha ha-ha ha ha-ha ha. ha ha-ha ha-ha ha ha-ha ha' makes me really wanna dance.

which reminds me.
i really wanna go for hip hop class today. but. i'm too lazy to get out of the house. so, i wont be going this week. but i will be going next week(i think).
i wonder if belinda(the instructor) still uses beep for her classes. havn't been to dance class for the past two weeks already, thanks to my throat infection.
oh well.

have been doing alot of thinking.

the only reason i'm putting myself through every single day is because the only way to go to heaven is to die of old age, illness, sickness, accident or assasination. to sum it all up, as long as i dont plan/intend to die/commit suicide, i'll go to heaven. if i plan/intend to die/commit suicide, i'll go to hell.
going to heaven might mean having to celebrate all day by myself, in my own room in his mansion. and going to hell might be worse that having migrane all day, consistant burning of my flesh but not turning to ashes and i wont die. but the worst part is that God isn't gonna be there when i call out to him for redemption. it would be too late. and perhaps, the suffering might be worse each time i call out to him, or even think of him.
so going to heaven beats going to hell.
that is, if God really exists.
like the whole religion thing.
what if, its just some thing cocked up by mankind so that they'll have a purpose in life??
if it isn't real, after i die, nothing'll happen. i'll just become ashes, lying in some deserted cemetry. and thats all there is to it.
but, just to be on the safe side, i'd rather not die intentionally. just in case. just in case there really is a heaven and hell.

so there. thats the real reason behind the reason why i'm not suicidal.
no matter how much i loath each day and the elements in it.
i have to endure.

i seriously need a block of concrete, and the guts to bang my head on it real hard.
that'll keep me from thinking.
yup.

Pussycat Dolls Music Video Codes

Playing: Pussycat Dolls - Beep
Myspace Layouts Music Video Codes

Beep (feat. Will.I.Am)
The Pussycat Dolls


Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha, ha
Ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha, ha

[Will.I.Am]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

[PCD]
I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

Every boy's the same
Since I been in the seventh grade
They been trying to get with me
Trying to (Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha-ha)
They always got a plan
To be my one and only man
Want to hold me with their hands
Want to (Ha, ha-ha, ha, ha-ha)
I keep turning them down
But, they always come around
Asking me to go around
That's not the way it's going down

'Cause they only want
Only want my ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha
Only want what they want
But, na, ah-ah
Na, ah-ah

[Will.I.Am]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

[PCD]
I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

Do you know that no
Don't mean yes, it means no
So just hold up, wait a minute
Let me put my two cents in it
One, just be patient
Don't be rushing
Like you're anxious
And two, you're just too aggressive
So try to get your (Ahh)

Do you know that I know?
And I don't want to go there

Only want
Only want my ha, ha-ha
Ha, ha-ha
Only want what they want
But, na, ah-ah
Na, ah-ah

[Will.I.Am]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

[PCD]
I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

[Will.I.Am]
Boomp-boomp, Omp-omp
Boomp, boomp-boomp
Boomp-boomp, Omp-omp
Boomp, boomp-boomp
[Repeated]

[PCD]
Ooh, you've got it bad I can tell
You want it bad, but oh well
Dude, what you got for me
Is something I
Something I don't need
Oh!

[Will.I.Am]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

[PCD]
I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

[Will.I.Am]
It's funny how a man only thinks about the...
You got a real big heart, but I'm looking at your...
You got real big brains, but I'm looking at your...
Girl, there ain't no pain in me looking at your...

[PCD]
I don't give a...
Keep looking at my...
'Cause it don't mean a thing if you're looking at my...
I'm a do my thing while you're playing with your...
Ha, ha-ha, ha-ha, ha-ha

www.videocodesforfree.com

www.videocodesforfree.com

Music Video code by videocodesforfree.com
Move Along
The All-american Rejects

Go ahead as you waste your days with thinking
When you fall everyone stands
Another day and you've had your fill of sinking
With the life held in your
Hands are shaking cold
These hands are meant to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
Move along

So a day when you've lost yourself completely
Could be a night when your life ends
Such a heart that will lead you to deceiving
All the pain held in your
Hands are shaking cold
Your hands are mine to hold

Speak to me, when all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
Move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)

When everything is wrong we move along
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
When everything is wrong, we move along
Along, along, along

When all you got to keep is strong
Move along, move along like I know you do
And even when your hope is gone
Move along, move along just to make it through
[x3]

(Move along)
(Go on, go on, go on, go on)
Right back what is wrong
We move along

Denial is not a river in Egypt.

it took me awhilt to understand this one.
it was like after awhile then i went ohhhh.
kay.




in case anyone doesn't get the meaning of it, denial sounds like the nile. you know? the river nile??
yup =)

i am a PIG =)

awwwww. see? i drew that =P haha. i went to the website through dawn's site =)
its a personality test thingy. draw a pig!
here's what it says.
(comments are in green.

You drew the pig:

Toward the top of the paper, you are positive and optimistic. Toward the middle, you are a realist. Toward the bottom, you are pessimistic, and have a tendency to behave negatively. (whats a realist??) Facing left, you believe in tradition, are friendly, and remember dates (birthdays, etc.) Facing right, you are innovative and active, but don't have a strong sense of family, nor do you remember dates Facing front, you are direct, enjoy playing devil's advocate and neither fear nor avoid discussions. (devils advocate. hmmm. i saw that phrase somewhere. in one of dan brown's books... digging out info, gossips and bla bla. but not allowed to tell. hmmmm.. oh. and i do avoid discussions. saving saliva.) With many details, you are analytical, cautious, and distrustful. With few details, you are emotional and naive, they care little for details and are a risk-taker. (I AM NOT NAIVE!!!!!) With less than 4 legs, they are insecure or are living through a period of major change. With 4 legs showing, they are secure, stubborn, and stick to their ideals. (no comments) The size of the ears indicates how good a listener you are. The bigger the better. You drew medium sized ears, you are a good listener (listening is, afterall, better than talking.) The length of the tail indicates the quality of your sex life. And again more is better! You drew medium sized tail (hmmmm...)

i think it looks like a bear. lol.

i'm here at pacific coffee company at changi airport. boy. has it been a long time.
i'm supposed to be mugging =P lol.
i will get around to doing it after i'm done with this entry.

first.
american idol.
as expected, my dear chris and eliott got through. that comes as no surprise.
for the girls, i'm rooting for mandisa. she's great. black people have great voices =)
i felt that the girl who attempted the rock song what about love should have gone instead of the pretty basketball girl. oh well. the rock girl practically shouted into the mic. lol. she reminds me of miss johnson. i think its her hair.
yup.
oh.
rahhh. that nice guy with the sparkly eyes got voted off. he didn't have the lowest but he got the second lowest. rahhhh. his voice is great, compared to taylor, who unfortunately, didn't get voted off.
especially with his latest performance.
like.
WHAT ON EARTH WAS HE THINKING?!?!
the hand and butt/body movements.
urggh.


i shouldn't blog about that.
evil.
*shivers*


second.
its finally the holidays =)
yay.
uh huh.
oh yea.
-well. that is if i ignore the fact that its only for a week.
=D

third.
movies.
its the holidays and so there should be no excuse not to go catch at least one movie.
yup.
its been ages since i last got into a cinema. so please please please. can someone please go with me to the movies??


so since i'm at pacific coffee company, i should give them some credit(i'm using their internet computer thingy you see).
so, their thought of the day for today(hey. that rhymes) is-

people who fight fire with fire usually end up with ashes. -abigail van buren.

i shall finally get around to studying =P

i'm not in a good mood again, courtesy of my dad.
but.
i will save all my rantings for another post.
i've been posting all about bad stuff lately.
and so, i've decided to make this post a not-so-negative one.

did anyone watch american idol yesterday?
OMFG!!!
i am like sooooooooooooo behind chris daughtry.
i dont follow american idol, but happened to turn on the tv yesterday.
chris is like so fucking unique.
although most of the guys that sang yesterday were good, some(in paticuliar, the grey-haired one) was plain irritating. seriously. unless you're chester bennington, dont ever ever ever dream of shouting/screaming/woahing into the mic regardless of how excited/nervous/exhilarated you are. period.

one guy did a michael buble. i think its david radford. lol. no wonder he got voted off. this world only needs one michael buble. and i prefer jaime cullum to michael.

i really did enjoy the rendition of i heard it through the grapevine by kevin covais. its not the
ideal singing song but chilling out/at a club wise, the song worked.

ace young did if i'm not made for you. lol. like. totally wrong choice. his face looked really constipated when he sang the really high falsetto part at the end of the song. totally wrong song. i'd say one of the reasons he's still in the competition is because of his looks, but i'm not saying he cant sing. its just not as good as majority of them.

elliott yamin is my second favourite. oooo. his song moody's mood for love. ooooo. i melted when i heard him la. he was my favourite until i heard chris. he's not very good looking but his voice is nice. he made a jazz song(or so it seemed to be a jazz song) not really jazzy.

chris daughtry. ahh. my favourite. yum. what can i say? bald, good dress sense, sings like bon jovi, and ooooh did i mention that i find the way he styles his facial hair hot? seriously. chris sings like bon jovi. and he sings like bon jovi. and he sings like bon jovi. the way he sang yesterday stood out from the rest.



i really do want chris to win this season's american idol. really really.
my top ten favourites are :
1. chris daughtry
2. chris daughtry
3. chris daughtry
4. chris daughtry
5. chris daughtry
6. chris daughtry
7. chris daughtry
8. chris daughtry
9. chris daughtry
10. elliott yamin

yup.
=P
they should really vote off that grey-haired loser freak.
*shivers*


american idol isn't just a talent competition.
looks play a part.
how big or how small depends on the look.
its only a talent competition where the judges are concerned.
but sadly, the judges only pick the 'top' of the crop, then present them to the public to be voted off.
yup.
go chris =P

i intended to do a long post just now. but my mood to blog must have went along with my voice.

been blog surfing for the past two hours looking for insperation. didn't actually find much.

i've been thinking about what lim oi leng said.
about breathing.
she said the impulse to breathe is triggered by the excessive amount of carbon dioxide in the blood and not by the lack of oxygen.
right now, my throat hurts so bad i can even feel it up to my ears. just breathing through my nose with my mouth closed is a chore. its worse when i'm in bed and my nose's blocked. i gotta breathe through my mouth and it gets real dry. and when i try to wet my mouth, swallow a little saliva, the pain is excruciating.
i wish the concentration gradient of carbon dioxide and oxygen in my blood would be equal.

i doubt anyone would understand. the doctor said its very likely to be a throat infection. yes. i went to the doctor again. its the third time already and i'm still not well. its been five days. i dont know if the fever's coming back tonight. the fever always leaves me in the early afternoon, but never fails to come back with a headache. i dont know about now.

yesterday was the first time in nights i had a peaceful sleep. i pray tonight will be another peaceful one. i'm really scared that the night before yesterday wasn't the worst of it.

if i were to rate the pain from 1 to 10, 1 being kicked in the boobs, i would rate that night a 100, and i would rate now a 11.

to those who even bother to read my blog:
think about the people locked up in the mental hospital.

now, after reading this paragraph, close your eyes and imagine the whole thing happening before you.
you see a cell in a mental hospital. it is paded with white cushions all over. on the floor, is a person in a straight-jacket, kneeling down. she is screaming. ever so often, she would struggle to get out of her confinement and bang her head on the floor. suddenly, she stands up and runs towards the (closed)door, hurling herself forcefully at it. she repeats the action over and over again. after about a million times, she collapses in a corner, exhausted.







i know how that feels.



i know how it feels to go cold turkey, to go crazy.
and i'm so afraid that it would happen again.
please god.
dont leave me.

my dad tried to poison me just now.
i dont know how or where he got it from but my throat really hurts la.
he came with a cup.
said it was some kind of fruit mixture.
said it tasted nice.
when i took the cup and looked at what was inside, i recoiled.
the colour was like some kinda mud/shit water.
tasted about there too.
like ashes + shit + mud + sand + water + a slightest hint of mint.
not nice at all.
i had to force myself to swallow it.
and now because of that my throat's very dry and pain.

i had an extremely sleepless night yesterday.
migrane and fever. 39.5 degrees.
i tossed and turned but just couldn't get to sleep.
the pain was unberable.
i think i went nuts.
like.
i was pounding my head and i screamed.
but the sceam wasn't very loud cos of my throat.
i can barely speak.
when i speak i do so in a whisper.
so i was going crazy.
even cried out to god. it did help a little. but after awhile, i stopped praying cos my concentration faltered.
the migrane lasted through the whole of last night till early this morning around 9am.
that was until i vomitted then i felt much better.
didn't have much of an appitite.

i realised something.
there is no one out there who cares for me.
like.
nobody bothered to call/msg me to ask if i'm alright.
unless i first started a conversation via sms, i havn't received pretty much of a msg on my handphone.
the last time i was down with fever, my parents would come into my room and check my temperature every morning, night, before they go out, when they just reached home and every other hour.
but now.
its been cut down to either once a day or just asking me at dinner if i'm okay.





and i ask myself why do i care?

teehee *grins*
yesssss!
i did it i did it i did it hoooray =P
though its not perfect
but.
but..
but...
still.
*grins*


my throat hurts like mad and i'm feeling nauseous.
oh well.
its time to get off the com =)
ta!

okay.
i'm guilty of not going to school =P
hey. my throat really hurts la. i think its swollen.
and my fever still hasn't gone down yet.
the last time i checked, it was 38.1 degrees celcius.
i dont think the trip to the doctor made any difference.
yesterday was another sleepless night.
i felt tired.
but.
my body just wont go to sleep!
grrr.
so anyway, i'm gonna try change my template again.
wish me luck. =)

check this out =P

http://www.paperboy.nl/show.php?PID=B42A2E07-A41D-E758-7EC5A497881900E9